Managing Interpersonal Communication When Discussing Hard Topics
The past year has been incredibly challenging for people and families all over the world. Conversations related to politics, the COVID-19 pandemic, and other controversial topics seem to be as popular and polarizing as ever. The more unprecedented life has become, managing relationships and communication within them have become more difficult. Every conversation can be a hard one.
I conducted a survey to get an idea of how many people were experiencing interpersonal relationship conflict and to what extent. Throughout this piece, I will share with you what I’ve gathered.
96% of my survey-takers said they had avoided talking about politics/election with someone they know has a differing view, whereas 72% avoided talking about COVID-19/COVID-19 vaccine, 38% avoided talking about religion, and 36% avoided talking about abortion (with someone they know has a differing view). Nearly 70% of survey-takers said they would be interested in discussing difficult/controversial topics with friends or loved ones if it would not negatively affect their relationship. 9% said they would not be interested and 22% said “maybe” when asked.
Nearly 70% of survey takers stated they would be interested in discussing controversial/difficult topics with friends or loved ones if it would not affect their relationship negatively.
But how? How can you have a tough conversation with someone and be confident it won’t affect your relationship negatively? After all, 30% of survey-takers said they have stopped interacting with a friend or loved one after having a conversation with them in which they had opposing views and 60% have unfriended, unfollowed, or blocked someone on social media due to their difference of opinions. Unfortunately, no conversation can be guaranteed to not negatively impact a relationship, but many steps can be taken to avoid that.
Below are some steps you can take in order to keep those hard conversations civil.
1. Decide if you to discuss about that topic
2. Ask if you can talk about it
3. Keep it neutral. Calm; Cool; Collected
4. Start off the conversation with understanding and mutual respect
5. Look for where you agree
6. Talk less. Give the other person space to respond
7. Resist the urge to be provocative or “right”
(source)
Below are some more tips for achieving a win/win outcome when you find yourself having those tough conversations. (Hargie, 2011):
Do not view the conflict as a contest you are trying to win.
Remain flexible and realize there are solutions yet to be discovered.
Distinguish the people from the problem (don’t make it personal).
Identify areas of common ground or shared interests that you can work from to develop solutions.
Ask questions to allow them to clarify and to help you understand their perspective. (Allow the other person to ask you questions, too!)
Listen carefully and provide verbal (words) and nonverbal (knods, smile, etc.) feedback.
(source)
Find out your conflict management style, here!
Avoiding Style — Involves ignoring or procrastinating an issue in hopes that it resolves itself or disappears entirely.
Accommodating Style — (opposite of competing) Involves resolving conflict to satisfy other members of a given group at the expense of their own desires or needs.
Compromising Style — Involves finding a solution that partly satisfies all members of a given group.
Competing Style — Assertive and uncooperative. Likely to pursue one’s own concerns at another person’s expense.
Collaborating Style — Involves finding a solution that satisfies all members of a given group.
Knowing your conflict management style can be very useful when engaging in conversation, working on projects, or general negotiation, etc.
An important aspect of developing interpersonal communication competence involves being able to effectively manage the conflict you encounter in your relationships. An important aspect of handling conflict better is to notice patterns of conflict in specific relationships and to generally have an idea of what causes you to react negatively. Setting boundaries in relationships can help prevent damaging conflict.
(Source)
When asked “In the last year or so, have you avoided a conversation with someone to prevent talking about a particular topic?” nearly 80% of survey-takers answered “yes”. While interpersonal conflict may take the form of serial arguing, which is a repeated pattern of disagreement over an issue, serial arguments in relationships don’t necessarily indicate a troubled or unhealthy relationship. Although, it is important to acknowledge that it is occurring.
So, if it feels appropriate, necessary, or beneficial, use these new tools to have those tough conversations. Avoiding conflict will only further drive a wedge between you and the other person, so it is important to maturely and open-mindedly approach difficult topics.